Communication??

[Jan]

Yesterday when we were with our friends, he shared how family members called in and stayed overnight, and they were on their smartphones and ipads almost before they stepped out of their car, and it was the same the whole visit.  He felt very sad and disrespected by the event. This is particularly sad as his family guests are Christians and attend church regularly.

Why is it that people can be sitting at a table together, yet all contacting other people, and there is no communication between these supposed friends?  What is going on these days?

While we are able to communicate so easily internationally, people are losing the the ability to communicate face-to-face.    There is also a change in what is considered good manners when those we are with are ignored and a phone call is taken or a SMS text has to be answered, and that is OK nowadays.

We add a new dimension to our lives meeting  globally, I am the first to say what a wonderful thing this is.  When I had a serious diagnosis I wanted to talk to someone, not to moan, just to talk to a normal human being, I  phoned three or four local friends one Friday morning, and they were all out, and that was the day that I first reached out online for a Christian Womens Group and I have truly appreciated the empathy and friendship, though those groups have run their course.

However  the non-verbal element of conversation is lost in this electronic  communication.... we can’t see the smile, the warmth, or meet with a hug as we do in person. Yes people are missing out when they rely only on gadgets for their social life and it is well worth the effort to nurture long standing friendships and get out there and meet and communicate in person and have a balanced life.

 

[Jan]

Wonderful comments, Marilyn, like another blog!  I appreciate your thoughts and sharing with us. Especially interesting that you have found the biblical church that feeds your soul

Hugs and Blessings.

[Marilyn Porter]

I didn't realize my prior comment was so long ... please let me know if there's a more proper/appropriate place for such long comments.  I promise not to be offended :)  Hugs, Marilyn.

[Marilyn Porter]

What an interesting exchange of opinions relating to the quality of communication and friendship. 

I'm not exactly sure where I stand in this whole new world of 'virtual versus face-to-face' friendships.  I have to admit it is very irritating to sit in a restaurant trying to enjoy a meal when someone two tables down thinks they need to shout into their phone to be heard on the other end, or feel the need to share their conversation with us less fortunate who obviously have no friends -- evidenced  by the lack of the latest I-tune filling the air via a very inferior sound system.  Upon leaving the restaurant, my husband (Dan) immediately sizes up a really crazy or questionable vehicular maneuver up ahead, with "Did you see that? Someone's on their cell phone - probably texting - they're going to kill us all!!"  He has very little love or interest in the technical advancements surrounding the world of virtual or electronic communication!  Case in point, he even gets irritated at me when I'm listening to an audiobook on my MP3 while doing housework (I'm sorry -- but it's just plain boring -- and it entertains me!!).  He might not say anything to me for 20 or 30 minutes, but when he does have something to say to me, he hates when he sees I'm donning earbuds.  "You're worse than a teenager" he'll say (even though he's been in another room and basically uncommunicative).  Go figure, huh?

Me, on the other hand, am a gadget junkee which, unfortunately, includes the world of electronics!!  I'm intrigued with the latest toy whether it be used for crafting creations, cooking or baking masterpieces, and even cleaning apparatus. But I'm especially drawn to compact, easy to carry, WI-Fi compatable anything!!  I'm not a hoarder - I just love to have "all" the tools which could relate in any way to my interests, whether I actually use them or not!! LOL..  (Please excuse the rabbit trail)

Where relationships are concerned, I tend to have better virtual relationships than ones face-to-face.  Basically, because I'm (don't laugh) rather shy.  Not so much with strangers (I'll talk to anyone); but when I feel there's a potential for a close friendship I seem to back away.  I've been labeled an excellent "listener," but when it comes to sharing 'my' world, it rarely results in me revealing anything that has any personal depth.  There's one exception to that, however.  I usually have (and express) a personal viewpoint when it comes to my relationship with God and things I've come to "hang my hat on" through prayer and Biblical research.  I can't quite decide if it's pride, fear, shame, or insecurity which prevents me from seeking genuine "face-to-face" friendships.  On the flip side, a comfortable circle of "acquaintances" leaves a void that remains empty, without opportunities to physically share human expressions of friendship and love.

About 5 years ago, I traded a mega church for a church plant (basically a start-up) that is true to Biblical truth to feed my soul, and small enough to feed my need for local face-to-face Christian friends.  Happily, I'm starting to form quality Christian friendships and think of ways I can use any talent God has given me for Him.  This consciousness has also allowed me to take advantage of helping those who may be in need.  For instance, it was an honor and personal joy for me on Christmas day to go to a local Nursing Home during the dinner hour to entertain the residents by piano with hymns and Christmas carols. No present I received was more precious than to see the happiness and light in their eyes as some sang along -- and some just listened - but everyone smiled. :)

After considering both forms of friendship -- I can only conclude that I enjoy the best of both worlds.  I love my chats with you, my virtual friends; and also love getting together with a friend at my favorite "girlfriend" restaurant for breakfast and coffee :). 

Hey... I know .. when finally we all get to Heaven ... let's plan to get together in that Heavenly restaurant and enjoy all the privileges and joys of a face-to-face friendship!! (and we won't even have to watch our weight!!!) :))))

Hugs, Marilyn

[Cecilia Marie Pulliam]

Ah Jan, LOL! One never knows! Good points, all of them.  Good idea to nurture all of our relationships as all of them are precious. 

[Jan]

Hi Cecilia, yes I couldn't agree more, with your comments.

However another reason I keep up with local friends as well, apart from enjoying their company now, I am taking precautions in case for some reason we do not have access to the internet later on, just saying.  Perhaps I could lose my sight or it gets too expensive, or it self combusts...LOL.... whatever.

[Cecilia Marie Pulliam]

I have noticed the same thing, and I agree it is a sad reflection on our society. I am of the old school, nothing like sharing a face to face conversation with a friend. I too use social sites a great deal and have discovered many new friends, whom I would love to meet in person. 

I have come to view this electronic age as a digital form of corresponding with pen pals.  Only much faster than the old snail mail. I love the interaction of chat rooms,   but still agree, none compares to the warm hug and live laughter of a face to face visit.  I truly hope our society doesn't block those out entirely....maybe not. We can pray. 

[Jan]

Hi Ann Marie, thank you for your kind comments, and your lovely response, even though my comments could be seen to be critical of your choice in life. I do appreciate my online friends very much too, and the online contact with family which would otherwise be very limited. 

Many Blessings, Jan 

[Jan]

So true and so eloquent, Anne B.
Perhaps some people don't know how to make a friend or be a friend in today's society, and it must be getting more difficult in the cities, and probably one of the reasons we chose to retire to a country town where there are volunteering opportunities and many interest groups. The other side of the coin is that one can be lonely in a crowd, and this is a sad reflection on some churches, but there is always someone there who needs a friend even more than we do.

[Anne B]

Oh Jan yes this is an ever increasing problem where ever this technology is available. I too see this how texting, chatting all while being in the company of others is becoming all the more prevalent. You can't get a word in sometimes without their phone constantly going off  or a text message and of course they just have to answer it or reply back regardless of the fact that you are visiting with them.

People are losing touch with one another because of this, getting into car accidents because of it, they just can't seem to wait till an appropriate time like everything needs to be responded to right away. The younger generation are completely entranced by all of this because it's what's happening in their time and the technology is increasing more and more, it's hard to keep up with it all.

Perhaps one on one friendships are too hard and to text or email friends is so much easier to deal with as their is no real committment involved, etc...

I do agree with all that you shared and we all need a friend, someone we can talk in person with, pray with, cry with etc.... Friendships online are great to have, especially when one can't find one where they are, but we all desire that fellowship in person. This is something I continue to pray about because  I don't believe God created us to live this way but rather to interact on a personal level, one on one. This is how we learn and grow. The Lord created mankind for the very purpose to fellowship with Him, one on one, what makes us think that we in any way could possibly survive without having that personal one on one contact with others.

Amen to your post.

Anne B